Friendly Debates with the Danielles: Surrogacy

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Welcome to Week 23 of Friendly Debates With The Danielles!

Happenings of the Harper Household

Each Sunday evening (yes, I’m a bit late) Danielle from “We Don’t Have It All Together, But Together We Have It All” and I will host this awesome meme and we would love for you to link up and join us. There will be a question each week that will require you to think about how you feel about a certain topic and to decide where you stand regarding that topic, then of course share those thoughts!

We do have a few rules… or rather guidelines… that we would appreciate being followed:

1.) Please follow the hosts via GFC: Danielle B. & Danielle H.
2.) If you link up please leave a comment so we can visit you.
3.) This is a meme, so you MUST answer the question in a blog post.
4.) Link directly to the blog post in which you answer the question.
5.) Grab the button and place either in your post or on your blog.
(You can find the html code in my right side bar).
6.) At the end of your post leave a suggestion for the following weeks topic.

If we choose your suggestion you will be mentioned and linked to in the following weeks post.

Please respect each others opinions. This means no bashing of other bloggers in comments on their posts. Kind words and genuine questions are encouraged. If you strongly disagree with someone else the place to address your view point is in a post on your own blog. If we find that you have blatantly disregarded this you will be removed from the linky.

Surrogacy: Yay or Nay? What do YOU say?

I am going to come at this topic on a completely personal level.  This is how I feel about being a surrogate mother myself and having someone be a surrogate mother for me.  And so for me… I am 100% against having someone be a surrogate mother for me and I am 99.9% against being a surrogate mother for someone else.


So why wouldn’t I want someone to be a surrogate mother for me?  Well that answer is quite simple.  If I could not conceive a child on my own whether it be my first, second, or now third instead of spending the money to hire someone to be a surrogate mother I would rather spend that money to adopt a child that needs a family.

How about why I am 99.9% against being a surrogate mother for someone else?  Ok now this is a lil more complicated… first it’s important to understand that there are two different types of surrogates mothers.

Gestational Surrogacy: A gestational surrogate carries a child that is not related to her in any way. The embryo is created through the intended mother’s egg and intended father’s sperm using In Vitro Fertilization or IVF.  It is then transferred to the gestational surrogate, who acts as a human incubator, carrying the parent’s baby through to birth.

 Traditional Surrogacy:  A traditional surrogate acts as both egg donor and surrogate. Traditional Surrogates are impregnated by a process called intrauterine insemination or IUI. A doctor transfers sperm taken from the intended father and transfers the sperm into the uterus of the surrogate so that natural fertilization can take place.

The reason that I could not be a surrogate mother is because there is no way I could carry a child in me for 9 months, puke the whole time, bond with that child, give birth to that child, hold that child…. then have to hand it over to someone else.  No matter if that was my egg or not I would always feel like that was MY child.  So you are wondering what the .1% is…..

That is for my sister.  If my sister found out that she was medically unable to carry a child, but she was against the idea of adoption I would in a heartbeat courtney1carry her child for her – BUT only through gestational surrogacy.  Also, I would not except any form of payment except to cover my medical expenses.  The only reason I would be open to this is because the child would be 100% biologically hers AND I would get to see this child grow up.  I would get to play an active role in their lives, but I would still only biologically be their aunt.  I just think it would be way too weird to biologically be their mother, but legally be their aunt. {Yes, Courtney, I love you this much!!!}  The picture is of my sister holding Sugar when she was one day old…. I would give her this moment without even having to think twice about it.

So that is how I feel about surrogacy for myself.  I want to mention that I am not against surrogacy for other people….. ok, I am not ok with people basically renting out their body just to make money.  I think they should have other reasons behind doing it than just money.  But I really don’t want to go any further than that.  And so what do you think about surrogacy?  Would you be a surrogate mother?  Would you be open to having someone be a surrogate mother for you?  Leave a comment or link up and let me know!

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6 Responses to Friendly Debates with the Danielles: Surrogacy

  1. Oh I forgot to include that in my post – I would not ever use a surrogate. I have plenty of kids anyway, but if it was years ago, I still wouldn’t. I am 100% for adoption and for that reason, I would not use a surrogate.

  2. Rachel N says:

    I wholeheartedly agree! The ONLY person I would be a surrogate for is my sister:)

  3. Heather says:

    Wow, this is a hot button for me. Really, unless you have been there, done that, you really cannot say for sure how you feel. We tried for 6 years to have a third… after many, many, many losses… a failed surrogacy {yes, that happens} and more than 10 fresh IVF cycles, we finally got our much awaited baby via newborn domestic adoption. Having been on every possible side of this here is my opinion… it’s none of my business how anyone chooses to grow their family. When you are desperate to have a baby to love you don’t care why a person chooses to be a surrogate, you just want a baby… something that most women take for granted. Having experiences the pain of infertility and loss, If I could carry a baby for another person I would consider it an honor! I’d do it in a heart beat. So surrogacy gets a bug thumbs up from me… and so does adoption, not that it’s any of my business though 🙂

  4. Danielle says:

    Danielle, I would also be a surrogate for my sister and I believe she would do the same in return. One of my biggest fears is not being able to carry my own child.

  5. KeAnne says:

    Your post showed up in my Google News Alerts for surrogacy. I had my son through gestational surrogacy, so I am obviously a surrogacy supporter. Unless you’ve dealt with infertility, it can be very difficult to understand why we go to the lengths we do to have a family. For us, we wanted to exhaust our options of having a biologically-related child before we moved to adoption.

  6. Pingback: Egg Donation: Is It For You? | Happenings of the Harper Household

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