The Truth About My Blogging Absence

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I don’t know if anyone has actually noticed, but I’ve been rather absent on the blog lately.  There have been weeks where I haven’t posted at all and if it weren’t for my awesome contributors, Sunny & Jessica, nothing would have been shared at all.  For a while I was making excuses that I’ve been battling morning sickness and being overly tired due to the wonderful first trimester which was partially true, but there is so much more to it than that.  And I just want to put it all out there.  The truth.

And this is the truth.  I am depressed. 

Even when I read those two sentences out loud to myself it just feels stupid.  So stupid that I have sat here wondering if I should really publish this post.  But I just need to get it off my chest.

I had been doing ok going through the motions of life with three little ones and one on the way.  Smiling through the day and the moment I got them in bed for the night I just needed to collapse on the couch.  I could sit and stare at my computer screen for hours and not be able to form a single coherent thought to share with my readers.  My usual happy, cheery, sometimes sarcastic voice just refused to flow out into blog posts.  And I am behind.  So behind.  There are so many great products that I need to share with you guys which is making this whole ordeal even harder.

And then this past week my husband had a health scare that landed him in the hospital getting a heart cath at only 31 years old and left me a blubbering mess.  The good news is his heart is fine.  He did have pericarditis which is when the membrane around the heart becomes inflamed.  He spent three days in the hospital and during that time I don’t know how many buckets of tears I cried. 

And that is when I realized I have been depressed.  I’ve battled depression since my grandmother passed away in 2005, but have always been able to keep it under control with a rather low dose of medicine.  But right now I am sad.  And there is really no reason for me to be sad which is why I know I am depressed.  My husband is on the mend.  My kids are awesome.  I am blessed with another bundle of joy who will join us in November.  Summer is on the way.  So much to be thankful for yet I am sad.

I use all the energy I have to keep my kids happy, healthy, and entertained during the day and then when it comes time to do things for me the energy is zapped.  I literally want to do nothing, but put on sweats and crawl in bed.  My chest is heavy… it hurts to breathe.  My shoulders ache because I feel so tense.  Anything the least bit loud gives me an instantaneous headache.

The whole reason I am sharing this with you is because when you are facing depression it is important to get help.  I am so thankful for the awesome group of blogging friends I have that I can turn to at any time of the day to get words of encouragement and support.  I also have made an appointment with my OB.  I am hoping after meeting with her on Thursday we might be able to either increase or change my medicine to get me back on track.

So please know that I am not blogging regularly because I don’t want to, but because I literally can not right now.  I hope very soon I am back to my normal bubbly self… she’s in there begging to come out.  And one more thing, though I know it’s almost useless to say… but please do not worry about me.  I do not want to hurt myself.  What I want is to get this fixed which is why I have already contacted my doctor.  So just cross your fingers and say a prayer that we can find an easy fix.  Much love.

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23 Responses to The Truth About My Blogging Absence

  1. Melissa says:

    Hugs, Danielle! Remember we are all here for you. It’s so good to get it out there and be reminded that you are not alone. Things will get better and I am so glad you are seeing your OB this week!

  2. Jenn L says:

    Thanks for sharing this! I think so many people think they are the.only.one – and it’s a lie!!! I know exactly how you are feeling right now, and I am so glad you’re going to that appointment Thursday. <3

  3. Hugs mama! It will get better! I promise! I’m glad you’ve noticed how sad you’ve become and reached out! That’s the first step!

  4. Shell Feis says:

    With everything that I have going on it took me longer than I would have liked to realize how quiet you’ve been, but I did notice and was just thinking of you today. I am so sorry to hear you’ve been having a tough time and I totally get it. I struggled with depression and anxiety for most of my life so if you ever need an ear I’m here. I’m glad you’ve taken the first steps to recovery and I’m glad your husband is doing better too! <3

  5. amy says:

    Hugs mama. Were all here for you. This post has to have been one of your hardest posts to write. I know I battle with a verybmild case of depression every now and then. Having someone to talk to defiantly helpsm. I’m here for you any time you need

  6. Roxanne D says:

    So sorry you are going through this. It will get better and, of course, I am always here to listen anytime you want to chat. You are an amazing mama, blogger, writer and have been my inspiration many times to continue writing even when I’ve felt like giving up. I have faith it will all work out and hope you feel much better very soon. I’m also very glad to hear all is well with your husband.

  7. Amanda says:

    Hugs!!! Always here if you want to chat. I’ve been having such a rough start of tge year ànd I’m over being so upset. Hugs

  8. Huge, huge hugs, sweetheart. I’m here if you ever want to talk <3

  9. Michelle says:

    Glad you are taking the first steps toward feeling better & taking care of yourself. Thinking of you

  10. i suffer from depression as well. <3 to you girl and just know there are others that understand somewhat so dont forget that!

  11. AndreaM says:

    HUGS mama! Love you and so proud of you for taking the steps needed to help you

  12. (((Hugs))) Mama. Glad you are seeing the doctor, and that you have support from your blogging buddies.

  13. Jenilee says:

    *HUGS*

  14. Jenilee says:

    *HUGS*

  15. Tiffany Schmidt says:

    Hugs. And Thank You. Thank you for being real. You are a voive of real motherhood, real life and true struggles. Not everyone can be 100% bubbly all the time. Please know that your support staff reaches further depths than family and close friends. There are many women (and men) that are going through the same feelings, yet are afraid to admit it to themselves. Hopefully you’ll be back to a point where you feel comfortable again soon. Until then. Hugs and positive thoughts.

  16. JulieK says:

    It is so hard, but so brave to say those words. Even with recent awareness on the issue individuals often don’t how to respond so a lot of people just tuck it away. But good for you for facing this head on and keep your head up, mama! Prayers for you!!

  17. kristin says:

    ending you lots of love! I think a lot of people silently battle.

    Keep your head up, remember the sun does shine eventually after the rain.

  18. Linda R says:

    Hugs to you!!! you’re not alone. I think we all go through bouts of depression, but you sound like a strong person and will overcome it.

  19. Tracy M Dennison says:

    First, Hugs and good thoughts to you. Second, there is NO reason to feel ashamed. I just had my 4th in January, and was very depressed throughout my whole pregnancy and still have off days.

  20. ((Hugs)) Aww, Danielle I wish I could be near you to lend a hand and to hug you in real life. Glad you are getting help, it will be no time and you will feel better. You have my number… text or call any time day or night. I hardly sleep, so I’m always up and always available.

  21. Trisha W. says:

    Virtual hugs from a mom to seven. I understand where you are coming from and please know that pregnancy hormones can really mess with your mind and body when you have several littles already on hand and in need of time and attention. <3

  22. My thoughts are with you and I hope that with help from your daughter you started feeling better <3

  23. Rosie says:

    That is a great post, that you took the time and fortitude to write about what you are going through. I’m glad you are seeing the OB, and can hopefully find the right assistance. I’m glad your husband is OK, scary to go through that, too, esp while pregnant.

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